No doubt, we all have our moments, desperately needing to be appreciated for our hard work and success. It really doesn't matter which role we have taken on, we always like to be applauded between the scenes. We are children, parents, spouses, employees and many other things at the same time, wanting to feel that our efforts are valued, but do we really need it? Isn't it enough if only we are aware of our success? Why do people disregard the effort of others?
I would like to share a memory from my childhood. I think I was around 4 and helping my mother in the kitchen. I wanted to wear an apron like she did, but that came along with a big challenge since I had to tie the robes around my waist successfully. I remember it took a while, but ta-daa! I did it! My mother was very surprised when she saw my knot. Thankfully she didn't keep her thoughts to herself and told me that how proud she was. The following days, I, who had felt like a champion, put the apron on and tied it up just to get more attention and appreciation. Then I did almost everything to point out my awesome knot. Well, it didn't work. She never appreciated me for my knots again but I took it as an open massage: I had to find something else to be good at.
Now I am a grown up woman, and still I would definitely like my mother to be proud of me. What has changed? Nothing. Okay, yes, my goals are bigger than tying robes thankfully, but my need for appreciation will never go away. I don't think self-motivation would ever be able to fulfill it completely. Somewhere deep inside there is a kid who wants to hear others say that she is doing something good.
Our biggest delusion is not to believe that small things can have great impacts. We unintentionally associate money with happiness. Since every reward refers to something monetary in our literature, appreciation also costs money in our perception. Let me give you a secret; actually it's one of the few things left in this world that are actually free. Just say a bunch of nicest words you can think of with a sincere “thank you”. Then we will see wives actually are not asking for diamond rings, and employees are not asking for salary raise to be more happy (there might be some exceptions).
Second common mistake is ignorance. Why would we appreciate someone for something s/he is already supposed to do, right? I think it's just a confusion between requirements and obligations. When we commit to something: a relationship, friendship, partnership or a job, it comes along with requirements. If we want an achievement, we should try to deliver them. At this point our effort shows up as a choice, not an obligation. You choose to try hard or not. And if you do, you absolutely deserve to be appreciated. Let me explain with an example: You are hired for a sales position. Although you're required to make sales, you are not obligated to close many big sales in a row, you could just make the bare minimum, but congratulations! you made it happen with your discipline, hard work and ambition. At the end of the day you expect to be appreciated by your managers and colleagues, but if they just think it's your job anyway, unfortunately, you wont get it.
Sometimes we don't appreciate others' success because it's not ours. Yes, why is it not ours? Hmmm I smell jealousy in the air. There's nothing to be ashamed of envying others achievements, but we should know how to use it as an opportunity to build our own way to success, instead of spending energy on negative criticism. Let's observe what these successful people do right, what tools they use and skills they have.
If we receive negative criticism while expecting to be appreciated, I recommend pointing it out to the criticizer right away or avoiding their company in the future if possible, on the other hand your success will turn into guilt, and believe me, you'll never realize how it happened. Remember, nobody has the right to demotivate you.
Perhaps there are more reasons or excuses to avoid giving appreciation, but the solution is simple. Let people know you are completely aware of their effort and hard work. If you think you are not good enough to express yourself verbally, leave a little acknowledgment; for instance, a knitting magazine from my manager would really make me happy and keep me motivated. Because this little action tells me s/he is aware of my effort, really listens to me (or at least follows me on social networks :) ),and s/he knows my interests. So remember to stop the excuses and make a difference.
I would like to use my last words to apprecite all of you for patiently reading my thoughts. Thank you very, very much.
I wish you all a wonderful day.
My lovely husband gave me these beautiful flowers to thank me for being such a great wife.